As the title said, I’m so stress.. today, yesterday.. since when, I don’t know. May be if I were to trace this stress down the calendar, it may started last June. Eversince I found out about something which has been affecting me so deeply.. If I guessed it correctly, it will be described as HURT. But I always denied that. All this while I always told myself i didn't care and didn't bother. It doesn't affect me. I was OK, I just don't have to think about it. But when things happened, those denial cropped up.. Why should I cry over things if I didn't care, if I didn't bother..
I thought I have forgive and forget but I was wrong. So today, I just have to accept that I’m actually hurt in the incidence and simply denying the feeling means my emotional state won’t be stable forever.
So now, I decided to accept the feeling so that I can face it and try to overcome the feeling by being positive. The only problem is, I can’t do it alone. There is someone else who involve in the incidence and we need to do it together.
I know that the person is so busy at the moment, so it won’t be appropriate at this time. But I have to promise myself that I’ll deal with this later. For the sake of myself, my beloved around me and my relationship with other people, I have to promised myself. If not, small matter will become worse in split seconds, I’ll burst out over tiny matters and the worst thing, I get over it by hurting my children physically.
Sometime I feel like asking help from someone who doesn’t know me at all, so I won’t be judged base on past experiences.. a psychiatrist may be.. but it will sound so bad by people around who doesn’t understand, people will judge me as ‘orang gila’. If things get worse this few days, may be I should do just that, let what people will think of me..
SABAR itu mudah diucap, tapi amat payah untuk dilakukan..
Ya Allah, kurniakan hamba2mu kesabaran dalam melakukan ibadah kepadaMu..