Friday, 29 February 2008
Thursday, 28 February 2008
LoveNote. . .
We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!
Telling someone is a bonus! It is not necessary for forgiveness to begin the process that heals the hurt. Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter.
"What?" you say! "Cut them some slack after what THEY did to me? Never!" Let go! Move on!
Non-forgiveness keeps you in the struggle. Being willing to forgive can bring a sense of peace and well-being. It lifts anxiety and delivers you from depression. It can enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.
Always remember that you are human. Sometimes people do and say hurtful things. It is important to focus on what you have done to learn from the experience.
"In this life. . . we are unable to forget whatever remains unforgiven. So, if we won't let go of some pain - whose time has now past - then who is to blame for the weight of this burden still being carried on our back?"
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Nampak tak ada orang dalam kubu tu..? Acu tengok gambar hok mulo-mulo tu, napok dok ore dok nunggu atah kat tepi bule hok besa tu? Canggih sengoti.. ambo tabik idea kreatif ni.
Saturday, 23 February 2008
Friday, 15 February 2008
7 secrets to a long — and happy marriage
Two bachelors share wisdom from couples who have been married decades
updated 12:32 p.m. ET June 5, 2007
Matthew Boggs, whose parents divorced, was jaded about marriage. But he noticed his grandmother and grandfather, who had been married for 63 years, were still madly in love. To find out what was the secret to a long and happy marriage, Boggs and his friend, Jason Miller, traveled 12,000 miles around the U.S. to talk to what they call the “Marriage Masters,” couples who have been married 40 years or more. In their new book, “Project Everlasting,” Boggs and Miller share advice from the happy couples.
TODAYshow.com asked the two bachelors to tell us what are the top seven secrets to a successful marriage. Here they are:
1. “Divorce? Never. Murder? Often!”
Entering matrimony with the mindset that “divorce is not an option” is vital for the long-term success of marriage, say the Marriage Masters (a term we gave couples who have been happily married over 40 years). They went on to explain that this kind of mindset allows a couple to see solutions to marriage’s boiling points — and trust us, not one of our interviewee couples avoided such periods of relational strife — which would have otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too busy examining exit strategies.
Marriage Masters simplify this into one word: Commitment. And they’re quick to point out that commitment is the virtue sorely missing from today’s marriages. That said, there are deal breakers that very few of our interviewed couples advocated working through. These are known as the three A’s — addiction, adultery, and abuse. A marriage overwhelmed by any of these three issues is unhealthy, plain and simple, and the Marriage Masters suggest that if you find yourself overwhelmed with any of the three A’s, take care of yourself (and your safety) first, and the marriage second.
In the end, the old saying holds true: where your attention goes, energy flows. So the next time you’re facing a mountain in your marriage, focus on the next foothold and soon enough you’ll find yourself over the top.
2. “There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.”
We were shocked to discover how much work went into creating a great marriage. We’d always figured, “Hey, I’ll just find my soul mate and things will naturally fall into place after that ... we’ll live happily ever after.” Um, not so fast, one Marriage Master wife said with a certain look that meant business. “Whoever said being soul mates was going to be easy?” Her husband of 52 years nodded, then added, “Marriage is a bed of roses, thorns and all.”
Any time two individuals live together (especially over 40 years) there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and frustrating experiences. But whether it’s the toothpaste cap, toilet seat, snoring, or the last-minute pull-the-car-over-to-check-the-score-of-the-game-at-the-local-bar move, one thing is for sure: the best marriages are served with an extra helping of acceptance for one another’s peccadilloes. “And that’s the beauty of marriage,” said Maurice, another Marriage Master. “All of our individualities, all of our wonderful differences. You gotta have friction. You can’t get any heat without friction.”
We would do well, they say, to expect non-perfection; practice patience and give the acceptance we want in return. There’s no doubt that this is hard work, but judging by the end result, it’s well worth the effort.
3. Unpack the Gunnysack
“People ask us our secret to marriage,” said John, married 48 years. “I tell them it’s the boxing gloves. We aren’t afraid to say what’s on our minds.”
Unexpressed frustrations in a marriage can pile up and weigh us down like an overloaded gunnysack. These accumulated frustrations can quickly turn into resentments. “Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” said Sally, married 50 years. “Resentment will eat away at your marriage.” The Marriage Masters encourage us to unpack the “gunnysacks” by opening the communication lines as frequently as possible.
But guess what? If we haven’t created and nurtured an environment where open, honest communication is welcomed and treated with diligent respect, then we can wave these crucial “clearing the air” moments goodbye. So where did some Marriage Masters go to build that trusting, open environment? Weekend marriage retreats! These powerful getaways stood out in many of our interviewees’ minds as the one experience that turned their faltering marriage into a flourishing one. The trick, of course, is convincing the husband to attend.
4. Never Stop Dating
It has been said that it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters. But now we know, thanks to the Marriage Masters, that it’s the quantity of quality time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage. Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply spending a night at a local motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.
One woman, married 47 years before her husband passed away, disclosed her secret to lifelong love. Every night, when her husband came home from work, they went up to their bedroom and hung a sign on the door that read “Do Not Disturb: Marriage In Progress.” For the following fifteen minutes they’d focus all their attention on one another. No phones, no pets, no distractions; even the kids knew that mom and dad were not to be bothered. When asked what they did in their bedroom, she laughed and said she’d leave that to our imaginations. That was probably best anyway.
5. “Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”
Marriage Masters have a high degree of selflessness. “I’ll never forget what my mentor told my wife and me before we got married 42 years ago,” said a Marriage Master named Walter. “He looked at us and said, ‘Most people think marriage is 50/50. It’s not. It’s 60/40. You give 60. You take 40. And that goes for both of you.’”
It’s always super-apparent in the best of the best marriages that both spouses have followed this philosophy. Though it’s not a difficult concept to understand — putting one another first —it’s surely a bit more difficult to practice consistently, especially with the prevailing “Me first (and second)” mentality today. “The younger generations seem to have a sort of me-me-me mentality,” says Donna Lee, married 45 years. “The great part is that the me gets everything it needs when it puts the we first.”
6. Join the CMAT Club
Grandma Dorothy Manin, the inspiration for Project Everlasting with her 63 years of beautiful matrimony, formed an informal club when she turned 70 years old. She called it the CMAT club. The CMAT club stands for Can’t Miss A Thing and represents the idea that life is short, so make sure to enjoy as much as you can. The death rate for human beings hovers right around 100 percent, and is expected to remain there for … well, forever. Consider this: if the average life span is 77 years, then that means we only have 77 summers ... 77 winters ... 77 Christmas mornings ... 77 New Years, and that’s it. The Marriage Masters know this all too well. It’s easy to get caught in the day-to-day craziness of life and, in the process, take our spouses for granted. A widow named Betty, married 54 years, says, “Now that he’s gone I wish I hadn’t had so many headaches.”
The Marriage Masters are here to remind us that this adventure we call life goes by in the blink of an eye; relish your sweetheart’s presence while he or she is still here.
7. The Discipline of Respect
“You can have respect without love,” said Tom, married 42 years, “but you can’t have love without respect.” His sentiments were not uncommon in our 250-plus interviews around the nation. By and large, the number one secret to a thriving, everlasting marriage, as declared by the Marriage Masters, is respect. It is the catalyst for all things beautiful in a relationship: trust, connection, authenticity, and love. Unfortunately, respect — in all its seeming simplicity — is too easily overlooked, leading to criticism and all the ugliness that eventually causes both spouses to wonder (and vehemently): How in the heck did I ever fall in love with this person?
“You are the master of your words until they are spoken,” a Marriage Master of 65 years pointed out. “Then they become the master of you ... so choose your words carefully.”
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
5. Sabar memanjangkan umur dan membuatkan hidup kita stress-free.
'Your biography becomes your biology', Caroline Myss
Percaya atau tidak, terdapat research yang menyatakan orang yang pemarah mempunyai satu setengah kebarangkalian untuk mendapat cancer dan 4 daripada 5 kali lebih berisiko terhadap penyakit jantung. Cuba tanya doktor akibat marah dan stress.. kadar pernafasan lebih tinggi, darah tinggi dan bertambah acid dalam perut.
'If you do vent, your brain gets even more worked up, sending the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol surging through your bloodstream to prepare you to fight. This, scientists have found, has the effect of weakening your immune system, particularly your T-cells, which are the body's main infection fighters. Muscles contract, blood vessels constrict, and your heart has to work harder to circulate your blood..' (Ryan)
Samada stress dengan kehidupan kita yang terlalu sibuk mahupun stress dalaman yang menyebabkan kita berasa marah, hanya sabar yang dapat meredakan stress tersebut dan membawa kehidupan yang lebih sihat.
6. Sabar membantu kita mengurangkan pembaziran waktu, tenaga dan wang.
'With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown', Chinese proverb.
Pernah terperangkap dalam traffic jammed? Pernah ternampak kemalangan jalanraya sewaktu kereta bersesak didalam traffic jammed? Pernah terfikir kenapa? Betul.. Pemandu tidak sabar, mahu cepat dan potong queue. Lepas tu kita nampak kereta tu kemek sebab cium kereta lain. Akhirnya pemandu tersebut terpaksa membazirkan masa , tenaga dan wang semata-mata kerana tidak sabar.
Pepatah mat saleh berbunyi 'Haste makes waste'. Begitulah bunyi nasihat seorang guru kepada anak muridnya yang akan menghadapi peperiksaan, terutamanya subjek matematik.
I am confused.. Feel like, lost in a place that is so unfamiliar. Although i do think the place is the same place i have been all this while, but when i'm confused, i am very confused.
A lot of times we did something and we regret it. A lot of times we said something and later we regret it. Sometime we didn't do anything and still we regret it..
My inner part is undescribable at the moment. Probably it shows how bad my EQ is. Someone with a good EQ can describe their feeling and act positively upon it. And surely i'm not that someone.
Life is not easy. It has ups and downs. Thinking that we will always be at the upper side, doesn't help when life turn upside down. That's where sabar take place. Patience, as always.. easy said than done. As i tried to munch everything Ryan wrote in her book, Power of Patience.. life does seem to demand more on me. Do nothing, lay back and relax. Why is it so hard to do...? Sometimes i do want to sit back, relax and do nothing.. but hanging out with nobody but myself, doesn't help at all.
Life is full with responsibilities.. But sometimes i always forgot that being resposible to myself is taking care of myself. I always thought of taking care of others that i sometimes forgot to take care of myself. I expect people to care for me while i care for others. In reality, it doesn't always work.
Selfish? Looking after myself will be an act of selfishness? A point to ponder..
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
3. Sabar membantu kita membuat keputusan dengan lebih baik
'A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brain' (Dutch Proverb)
Dalam satu sesi 'Parenting Course' yang aku hadiri, ibubapa diingatkan supaya sentiasa memberi masa untuk anak-anak bertindak ke atas arahan yang diberi. Contohnya si ibu menyuruh si anak membasuh kasut sekolah. Kali pertama si ibu memberi arahan, dia hendaklah memberi masa kepada anaknya dengan membilang dalam hati. Mungkin 1 hingga 10. Sekiranya anak itu memang telah dikenali sebagai seorang yang lembap, atau mungkin juga si anak sedang menonton kartun kegemaran mereka, maka si ibu dinasihatkan untuk membilang dengan senyap kepada bilangan yang lebih besar. Si anak mungkin akan bangun walaupun mengambil masa sedikit, atau mungkin juga dia tidak akan bangun sekiranya apa yang dilakukan itu lebih menarik dari arahan yang diberikan. Setelah arahan diulang, si ibu perlu terus membilang dengan senyap, tetapi kali ini sambil memikirkan tindakan yang perlu diambil sekiranya si anak masih tidak juga menurut arahan yang diberi.
Bayangkan sekiranya si ibu tidak membilang dengan senyap i.e. bersabar dengan sikap anak yang tidak cakna terhadap arahan si ibu, sudah pasti si ibu akan cepat-cepat menghukum si anak. Paling tidak pun, si ibu akan membebel tidak henti-henti dengan menyebut segala kelemahan si anak.
Pernah tengok cerita di TV tentang kemalangan yang melibatkan sebuah pesawat kapalterbang? Kita diperlihatkan betapa pramugari dan anak-anak kapal yang lain diajar supaya bertenang dalam menghadapi kemalangan, sekiranya berlaku. Ini membolehkan anak-anak kapal memfokuskan diri mereka demi menyelamatkan nyawa penumpang-penumpang. Sesungguhnya diri yang boleh bertenang itu adalah diri yang bersabar. Bagaimana mungkin seseorang itu dapat bertenang sekiranya tiada kesabaran dalam diri. Maknanya dengan kesabaran itu diri dapat ketenangan yang memungkinkan diri membuat keputusan yang lebih baik. Ini sangat penting apabila berhadapan dengan saat-saat genting atau cemas.
Bayangkan juga kita menghantar sms atau emel kepada seseorang dan amat-amat mengharapkan balasan daripadanya. Tetapi setelah beberapa hari menunggu masih tidak kedengaran apa-apa darinya. Kita mungkin menyangka yang dia memang tak mahu membalas atas 1001 alasan. Tetapi kita juga boleh menyangka yang dia mungkin tidak menerima sms atau emel tersebut kerana kesilapan teknikal. Dengan kesabaran, kita dapat melihat sesuatu dengan lebih positif dan membuat keputusan yang lebih baik.
Saya pasti kebanyakan dari kita sudah pasti pernah mengalami keadaan di mana kita menghabiskan banyak masa merungut atau bersedih dengan sesuatu perkara yang kita tidak dapat tunggu untuk melihat kesan ke atas peristiwa yang berlaku. Sedangkan dengan kesabaran kita akan menjadi lebih tenang. Dengan ketenangan kita dapat mengumpulkan maklumat yang cukup sebelum kita jadi menggelabah dan panik.
4. Sabar menghubungkan kita dengan harap.
‘Patience is the art of hoping’ Luc de Vauvenargues
Nelson Mandela terpenjara kerana mempertahankan prinsipnya bahawa manusia mahupun hitam atau putih adalah sama. Dia tidak pernah berdendam dengan orang kulit putih yang memenjarakannya. Dia tidak pernah berhenti mengharapkan pembebasannya dari penjara itu. Dia menamakan anak perempuannya dengan nama Azwie, bermaksud harapan.
Dia antara manusia biasa yang dikurniakan Allah dengan kesabaran yang tinggi. Sesungguhnya kehidupan seharian kita juga kita bisa menemukan manusia biasa seperti ini, yang diuji Allah dengan ujian yang kita sendiri apabila menghadapinya belum tentu dapat bertahan seperti mereka itu.
Dalam Al Quran juga banyak contoh-contoh yang dihidangkan kepada pembaca tentang nabi-nabi dan umat-umat terdahulu yang diuji Allah dan mereka ini samada menang dalam pertarungan antara haq dan batil, mahupun kalah dan ada juga yang gugur.
‘What is your heart’s desire? Is it worth hoping for? With patience, we nurture hope in the darkness of our waiting, so that one day our heart’s desire may burst forth, fully realized.’ M. J.Ryan.